A story of slits, scars and tears

A story of slits scars and tears
There were silver blades that slid around her skin,
hesitant at first, as those fingers fumble,
second guessing.
She wants to stop hurting and she remembers why,
she was there in the first place,
and then slick. Blood.
Her hands tremble, her body gets cold,
blood flows, she is tired,
she drops the blade. She rests.

She stumbles across the across the room,
grabs a sweater, cleans the mess,
walks out like nothing is wrong.
As a kid she was afraid of the dark,
the angel lamp always lit,
Now the velvet curtains are drawn.
The darkness is where her heart rests,
where no eyes judge her, no fingers point at her body,
and her eyes ease out the pain they bear.

Sometimes a bottle of pills get empty,
into the bin they go, suspicious? Dog spilled them over I’m sure,
and in the toilet, she regurgitates what her body rejects.
Her hollow red eyes of the sleepless nights,
her hands porous of the pain,
her last step she might one day take,
too fired to fight another day,
to her grave she will take her stories,
of her slits and scars and tears.

My Dear Baby Girl

My dear baby girl, even if I haven’t given birth to you, read this, remember this.

Your lips are perfect with or without its cupid bow
you do not need to taint it a color just to show,
need no guy to mess it up
your lips are you part, wear it with pride butter cup.

Your eyes are milky white clouds with coffee drops
you do not have it line it and wear it as a prop
they are a window to your soul
don’t let anyone drown you whole.

Your curve can be a straight line or no where near
let that not be an object to sneer
Your legs are your tools as your hands
do not trim it for the worldly lands.

Whatever the size of your dress is
don’t let the be the criteria of love or anything as it is
your skin color does not decide the beauty of your soul
never let that become a reason of downfall

Chin up, princess, don’t let the tiara fall
you are a princess, no matter what who calls.

My dear baby girl, you aren’t an object to be admired
you are such a fine creation, you need to served.

An ode to my memories

Aye, I call thee forth memories
to have you banished from sight
for all the pain and misery
you bring forth, with no right.

When  I shall slumber
in the darkness you walk in
for my spine to shiver
as glimpses set in.

For grief that I had parted
from people I had departed
all that I put behind and walk ahead
and all that you place again in my head.

Laughter of those buried in the ground
that stab my heart with such ferociousness
just when I thought it wont be around
you bring forth with such viciousness.

The loss that couldn’t be rendered
scars of which I carry around
you resurface them, i surrender
and you make me feel their loss again.

I do summon you forth
to have you banished from my mind
but you stay put with no dearth
never to show you are kind.

From the life inside me

I had an urge to end it all
one mistake led to this fall
one night I was drunk
and I ended up in his trunk.

Little did I know
a night I barely remembered
took away my virginity
would have me shunned.

I was afraid it would show
a growing belly as time would go
I’d have no face to face
a mistake would decide my fate.

I threw the two lines in the thrash
I took a rope, looped it, I had
to end myself before the misery began
I decided to end my life, while I can.

But then a voice whispered
cried and said not
I looked around flustered
to find the origin of the sound.

Then my belly jiggled
I looked upon it and sighed
A little life inside me wanted to live
it wanted to come outside.

I shoved the stool
sat down to contemplate
I couldn’t take my life
while another breathed inside.

Funerals

I decided the funerals were for the living

so they could hear the heart that stopped beating

the tongue which would never utter again

a single word from its lip ever again.

Funerals were a custom of a fashionable goodbye

a chance, a hope that maybe the dead will hear us cry

to know they are loved, that they shall be missed

as they are lowered down, gently kissed.

As tears roll by, and the sun goes down

one more soul goes where it came from

and many more hearts broken as the pain wave flows

as the mourning bell blows.

My Hogwarts Letter

My Hogwarts letter
Started a decade ago
did I this pages of magic
and every time do I grow
fonder of this classic.

On my eleventh birthday
by the window I waited
for the letter I dreamt of everyday
for the owl I wished I was fated.

In my mind my house I decided
my wand, my broomstick
to get in I was excited
oh! My letter should come quick.

Eleven progressed to twelve
twelve progressed to thirteen
yet every day in hope I’d dwell
the Hogwarts council was so mean.

The muggles had implanted a bad thought
what if Hogwarts was just an illusion
in their words for a moment I was caught
but my owl must’ve swayed in confusion.

And as I waited for my letter to come
the muggles would tease me every breath
a sight of mockery I had become
this wait was a brutal death.

Years passed by and no more a teen
yet I looked into the sky every night
imagine with a sigh what life could have been
if only the owl would fall into sight.

An “adult” as I grew, hope disappears
the letter shall never come, I sigh
my eyes fall upon the series I read through the years
I read through here by.

When I close the book I smile
dream of the letter arised
They had tricked me all the while
my Hogwarts letter was in disguise.

It were these pages that every time I read
took me to a land, man cannot beget
I grab my wand and off my bed
my letter was here and I scream and fret.

These stupid muggles never shall know
what Hogwarts really is
for them it’s a magic show
and for me and you, its eternal bliss.

They are just jealous they can’t cast a spell
so they laugh at their own misery and terror
for us, our time was just swell
cuz we had received our Hogwarts letter.

The Kiss

I felt the electricity in my veins
I could hear the collapse of my brain
When the flesh of your lips touched mine
it burned inside like old wine
I knew the world that existed only in your eyes
everything else had vanished into lies
I do not have the knowledge of my limbs
i hear you breathing, the only sound that rings
with bare skin of mine onto you
as I fly into another world, the only that felt true
being in your arms and with just a kiss
you held the power of eternal bliss
and i’d gallop for another one again
for an intimate kiss, in your reins.

To Find Me

TO FIND ME

On a journey I’ve embarked
One many have taken
For many have been scarred
And their identity shaken.

Was it greed or desperation
A very thin line between both
This change is their creation
A creation now I loathe.

Subtle was the initiation
Went with indifference
Yet became the foundation
As slipped by the innocence.

A death came silent yet not fast
A merciless murder it was
The pleasure of it didn’t last
With time disappeared the cause.

The mirror showed a reflection
Of someone else but not mine
Was it just a matter of perception
Or was it fault of design.

“You’ve changed” a phrase I heard by all
Ignorance is bliss
And that was my fall
Now I reminisce.

Memories began to fade away
People went far
I pushed then too hard I’ll say
And now I’m alone in this war.

Nonetheless I’ll fight till I breathe
To bring back me
I know I lie somewhere beneath
I’ll find a way to find me.

12th Grade Syndrome

“what you gonna do in college”
“what’s your life plan?”
I’m not thinking, I say
I want to live while I can.

We need to work every night
Goodbye dear sleep
Dont stay awake they all say
but no one to help us with deadline at bay.

Our teachers are helpless monsters?
Created by the system
While their necks are held
On our heads they stay
And we cry “oh ma’am”.

A dilemma we face
As we go through this phase
To chose friends or grades
Balancing isnt a easy game.

With lesser time to spend
Its a struggle to hold on
But against all odds we try
These friends cant be just gone.

Exams to study for
Projects to complete
Childhood slipping, going too far
We are to be ready to compete.

If this is your story too,
With tension eating you through
A victims of schools pathogens sting
You’ve too got the 12th grade syndrome.

This Rage

I want to take this rage
Put it on a page
But in this stage
My hand is caged.

It weakens my fin
Keeping it all in
There’s no friend or kin
At my worst sins.

It takes forever to calm down
A burst of tears covered with a frown
But I wear the bold crown
I can’t break down. I can’t break down.

With a smile I facade
After a few hours of charade
A memory yet not fades
Of rage they made.

After a few times failed
This is what I attained
A rage poem disdained
To control, a struggle pained.